Nerf Mjolnir Awards: 4′ fence

 

Dear Moronic Township Rulemakers:

Who the actual $%*!!!%^$ decided you couldn’t build a fence higher than four feet????

What the #&%$@%^! use is a four foot fence???

Oh, it can keep in your toddler or Chihuahua, neither of which should be out in your yard unsupervised. The toddler obviously needs to be kept safe from all kinds of stuff like evil people and stray dogs and eating dirt and slugs and stuff. The tiny dog is a Prey Item: hawks, owls, coyotes, foxes, raccoons, large snakes, evil people… the dangers are endless.

No four foot fence will keep in a Real Dog for more than two seconds. A six foot fence will at least slow them down for a few hours. And my Siberians would find a way to dig under or MacGuyver a way over a Real Fence (so, supervision anyway), but at least I have that 6′ fence.

I have no idea what Martha Stewart alumni make these rules, but I need to smite them upside the head (and Martha too) with Nerf Mjolnir.

Things like “no lawn ornaments”, “beige curtains”, and “four foot fences” are arbitrary %(&^%$&^%$! Stupid rules that have no actual purpose other than to make me live elsewhere.

Save your legislative energy for helping people with real issues, like health care, poverty, abuse, abuse of animals, environmental degradation.

Don’t tell me how high my $&$#^$#@! fence should be.

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