Santa, you’re doomed

swordwhale

This is the time of year…

yaaaaaaaaaas, before even the Feast of Stuffingness.

…that Retail lines their shelves with green and red and gold and the floor is full of glitter (also our hair and clothes and shoes and…) and various ornaments and artworks and things and stuffs featuring Santa and his nine (yes NINE!) reindeer landslide off the shelves.

And I gnash my teeth in eternal irritation.

OK, first there’s Christmas Elves, which I loathe, because NOT ELVES…

these are Elves:

Image result for LegolasImage result for Legolas

They got your back, they kick ass, they talk to horses.

OK, nuff said. Just go read Lord of the Rings again, OK?

Then there’s Santa’s dysfunctional team.

Image result for santa's reindeer

Missing Rudolph there, he probably bailed because THAT DAMN HARNESS IS GOING TO SUFFER EPIC FAIL IN FIVE… FOUR…. THREE… TWO…

By now those deer should have slid right out of those bellyband thingies, leaving Santa suspended in midair for…

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