Rogue One: Maui With a Blaster

Back in 1977 I kept hearing about this Star Wars film. I was a Star Trek fan, a fan of faerie tale and sci-fi. I grew up on the westerns it partly emulates. Yeah, I should go see this.

I finally went to see it.

“Hey, that was pretty good… think I’ll go see it again…”

Several dozen times later, with a growing collection of toys, er, collectibles, and a Ford Falcon (1962, a sort of dirty pale color, like, you know, the Corellian freighter) which I had placed the word “Millennium” over the Falcon logo…

I still have the stuffed wookiee…

So I kept hearing about this Rogue One thing…

SPOILERS (like you haven’t seen it or something)

Finally saw it.




Damn, that was the most grim, gritty and depressing SW movie ever.

Like, did everybody just die?


Early on we meet this guy…



At some point he saves somebody’s life (I think it was the cool Asian martial arts Jedi dude who happens to be Donnie Yen who I now remember from Ip Man)(and Hero)(and Shanghai Knights)(and stuff)… and says “you’re welcome.”

And all I could think of was this…


and that this…

…is basically what happens when you give Maui a blaster. A really BIG one.

OK, that’s Wen Jiang, who was born in Tangshan China, not a Pacific island, but, hey, he’s awesome… he actually looks a lot less ferociously epic in real life…

Wen Jiang Picture

So yeah, all we could do through half the movie was go…”you’re welcome!” every time he blew something up… his character’s name is actually Baze Malbus, but I had to look that up and won’t remember it at all because he is now, forever Maui With a Blaster.

If you want an actual review of Rogue One, look here…

It’s a unique and worthy addition to the saga. It’s far more realistic and gritty than the colorful and slightly cheesy New Hope that I fell in love with. NH was purposely cheesy, echoing westerns and Flash Gordon and comics and other fun stuff.

This one looks nearly like footage of more recent wars in the Middle East.

I did have a moment of “how’d they doooooo that????” when Grand Moff Tarkin appears. CG and great acting of course. It’s nearly perfect.

And the ultimate tribute to the late great Carrier Fisher was the final scenen where we see Princess Leia from the back, and assume that’s all we’ll see… another actress cosplaying the icon of our youth.

And then she turns. And it’s her. As we remember her.

It’s CG, again. But brilliantly played and placed.

And if that didn’t bring tears to your eyes, well…



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