Nerf Mjolnir Awards: evil voice robots must fry

Chapter 46023746 in the Saga of How I Hate Voice Robots… (also Thor and driving goats)…

you know, those Minions of Evil that you get when you really need a real live human being to answer your piddly little question.

The ones who say, in a pseudo serene condescending voice, “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that” when you’ve just clearly spoken plain English. Then you shout, get the same monochromatic voice. Then you converse like a mariner, use literary license, and if you use enough Shakespearean curses the Evil Thing might give up and get you a real live human being… or hang up.

Which is what happened to my friend trying to get through to the local post office. I gave him a couple quarters for the parking meter and said go march in there.

Today I needed to contact a nice lady at the nursing home about some paperwork for my mom. I get Evil Voice Mail Chick.

The Evil Chick is in the Voice Mail…

She drones on for a nearly reasonable length of time, then offers the option of spelling the name of the person you are looking for and getting their extension.

Was that first or last or both?

I am in the number keyboard, I start spelling the first name, realize I am typing in letters that could be a choice of three. EVMC cuts me off at two letters and begins spewing out last names that begin with the letter of the first name I am looking for.

Conversing like a mariner.

I punch some more buttons, trying to respell the name and get a nice guy in maintenance.

He is clueless but tries to help by giving me another number.

It is a lady in hospice and home care which is precisely where my mom is not. She cannot find my mom in her system because my mom isn’t there. We trade friendly fire back and forth trying to figure out who I am looking for.

Of course I can never remember her last name. “You know, the Medicaid lady…”

I am in the wrong department, so Hospice Lady can’t help. I go back to the original number with the idea of …





I get a Real Live Human Being. Who says something like “these aren’t the droids you’re looking for”… or at least they are not in today.

Which leads me to “can you take the papers and xerox them?”

Does anyone even have an actual xerox anymore?

They can.


I congratulate the Nice Lady for being a Real Live Human Being.

Now, to eliminate all Evil Voice Robots and get Real Humans more jobs…

Image result for thor


I believe this to be an early image of Thor smiting voice robots…

…those goats are baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad …

Image result for thor

Yes, he traditionally drove a goat chariot. I mean, these people had horses like this…


Image result for fjord horse

Related image

So why Thor is driving goats is unknown…

I have driven goats and it is fun…

Image result for driving goats

um, no, not that kind of driving goat…


Image result for driving goats

Image result for driving goats




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